So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
