how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
