6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
