I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
