then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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