ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
