i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
