He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
