I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
