I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
