Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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