nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
