idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
