UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
