you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
