i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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