worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
