dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
