I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
