my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
