we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
