I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
