Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
