she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
