Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
