I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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