It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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