His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
