I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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