dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
