i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
