my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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