so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
