dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
