she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
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Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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