I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
