tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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