Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
