All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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