He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
