if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
