fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
