I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
