I'm so fucking centered right now
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
