Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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