Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
