I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
