he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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