i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
