Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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