I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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