I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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