I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
