I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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