Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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