i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
