Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
