I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
