DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
