The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Less talking, more tequila
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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