Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
