Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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