so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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