the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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