She is in my trunk
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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