i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
this hospital has no fireball
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
